i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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