i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
