ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Michael Bay diarrhea
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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