I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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