lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
