FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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