I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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