Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
