based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
