'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My dick has a subreddit
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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