There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
