Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
