I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
