When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
