As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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