I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
