She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
