I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
