I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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