I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
