At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
