You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
