How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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