id be glad to
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
