He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
