i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
