bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
