Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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