I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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