Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
