I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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