Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
