She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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