I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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