I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
