i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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