sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
