You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
