i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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