i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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