Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
