he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
