you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
