I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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