went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
