So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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