So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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