how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
