If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he had hair everywhere except his balls
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
