Only a mothe r could love this liver
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
